Designing Your Perfect Day

In the tale of "Alice In Wonderland", there comes a point where Alice arrives at a fork in the road that leads in different directions. She asks the Cheshire Cat, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"  

     "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," the Cheshire Cat replied.

     "I don't much care where..." said Alice.

     "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

The Cheshire Cat spoke the truth, didn't he? If we don't know where we want to go, then it doesn't matter which road we take. Can you imagine getting into a cab and not telling the driver where to take you? It would be preposterous! Unfortunately, many of us take this approach with our lives. When asked, "What do you want to do with your life?" we oftentimes say, "I don't know..."

One of my favorite techniques for overcoming this obstacle is to design the perfect day in the mind. This is an abstract way of goal setting and metaphorically drawing up blueprints for your future. Ask yourself, "If I could wake up and experience my perfect day, what would it consist of? How would I feel? What would I eat? What activities would I participate in? Who would I spend my time with? How healthy would I be? What character traits would I give to the world? How would I contribute? 

This exercise is extremely beneficial to success because it gives us a vision of where we want to go. Each of us have within our brains a small network of cells, about four inches long, called the "reticular activating system." It is about the size and shape of 1/4 of an apple. This network of cells performs the function of filtering incoming sensory stimuli (sight, sound, smell, and touch). It determines which stimuli is going to make an impression in the mind. It decides what information is going to become part of your world. The great thing about the reticular activating system is that it can be programmed to be on alert for success-related inputs. It will help you to pick up on opportunities in your environment that can help you to get to where you want to go and live the life of your dreams. 

You are the designer of your destiny. Don't delay, start today!

It Shows In Your Face

My mother always told me that "Pretty is as pretty does". Over the course of my life, I have come to know the truthfulness of this statement. The most beautiful people in the world are those with beautiful hearts and minds, who perform beautiful deeds. They see, look for, and bring out the beauty in others.

The following poem is one that has influenced my idea of beauty throughout my life. We could all benefit from taking its message to heart...

IT SHOWS IN YOUR FACE

You don't have to say how you live each day.

You don't have to say if you work or play.

A tried, true barometer serves in the place,

However you live, it shows in your face!

The false, the deceit that you bear in your heart

Will not stay inside where it first got its start.

For sinew and blood are a thin veil of lace.

What you wear in your heart, you wear on your face.

If your life is unselfish; if for others you live--

For not what you can get but for what you can give.

If you live close to God in His infinite grace,

You don't have to tell it; it shows in your face.
---Karlene Garner

Ultimately, no one will love you for how great you are, but rather for how great you make them feel! To quote the beautiful words of Marvin J. Ashton, "Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart; one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them."

Do these things, and you will always be beautiful. Now go, and share your beauty with the world!

Talk About Your Joys

"Law of attraction says: 'We'll give you whatever it is you say and focus on', and so if you are complaining about how bad it is, what you're creating is more of how bad it is."

Jack Canfield

Do you enjoy listening to others complain a lot about how bad things are? Most of us would probably answer "no!" If this is the case, the reverse is also true: if YOU are complaining, those around you probably aren't enjoying listening.

When I talk about complaining, I am not referring to addressing issues that need to be addressed or working through conflict. I am referring to chronically expressing how bad things are. Do you come home from work at night and complain about work to your spouse? Then return to work the next morning and complain about your spouse to your coworkers? What a toxic cycle! It doesn't help the situation to improve, and puts you and those around you in a negative vibrational state of mind. What you focus on expands, and if you are always talking about your troubles, you will keep attracting more troubles! I love these wise words of Maya Angelo: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain".

There is no situation so bad that complaining won't make it worse. So what can you do when you feel the urge to complain? Try asking yourself these simple questions: What is something that I love and am grateful for? What is something in my life that I appreciate right now? What is something around me that brings a smile to my face? These questions will help your mind to shift focus, and to train it to look for the good in life. When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars. Appreciation and complaining can't co-exist in the mind, so focus on the one that will serve you! 

Now go your way, and have a wonderful, complaint-free day!

Happy People Don't Compare Themselves

"The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday."

---unknown

We have all heard the statement, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". Over the past few years I have heard many variations of this statement which include: "Their grass is greener because it is fake", or "Their grass is greener because it is fertilized with manure", or, on a more positive note, "The grass is greenest where you water it". 

The interesting thing about these "grass is greener" statements is that they are all rooted in comparison. Whose grass is greener and why? Does their grass simply "appear" to be greener than mine? Maybe if I water my own grass it will be as green as theirs.  Comparison, comparison, comparison!

One of the greatest discoveries of my life is that there is an unlimited supply of happiness and success, or "green grass", so to speak, to go around. What this means to me is that when a  neighbor (or friend, co-worker, sibling, etc) is experiencing some sort of "green grass",   it is evidence that this beautiful planet we live on can produce lush green grass! This is a wonderful thing!

It is also very important to remember that we are all brothers and sisters journeying together here on this earth, and the feelings you feel toward others, you attract to yourself. You reap what you sow. Another way of saying this is, "What you wish for another, you wish for yourself."

God has made you unique, with your own gifts and abilities, talents and horsepower. You have gifts and talents that come naturally to you as part of your makeup. Your job is to become the best "YOU" you possibly can.  Develop and utilize your uniqueness, then use your gifts to cultivate a world where green grass abounds for all!

Love Triumphant

LOVE TRIUMPHANT

Should all the stars of Heaven combine to cast a glorious hue,

Their brilliance would be as a candle's flame compared to my love for you.

For you have been the star of my life that brightened up the day.

You are the one whose constant smile helped push the clouds away.

In you, I found a trusted friend and joy beyond compare.

You must have been the answer to my pre-existent prayer. . . . 

To think we've born the struggles of life, walking the path together,

And basked in the glow of each other's joys, undaunted by stormy weather.

Together we met our triumphs and trials—facing them hand in hand,

Always assured, regardless of pain, each other would understand.

Adversities came and tugged at our roots—forcing them deeper to grow.

Then bonding together, the weak grew strong and crushed with a mighty blow.

Determined to gain what we set out to win, no challenge could be too great.

Uniting our forces, we forged our way beyond every down-hill fate.

We two became one as we ripened with years and nurtured the love we had known.

Every heartache we knew, every sky that was blue was never encountered alone.

We shared every hope, every dream, every wish—holding sacred each confidence told.

We were eager to share every thought, every care—any warmth to protect from the cold.

Time was our friend, as each mountain we climbed, safely reaching the other side.

With each cross to bear, we found miracles there, and a deepened, new sense of pride.

Oceans between us could not dampen the love that we felt with our every breath;

For love is eternal and forever will grow, uniting us far beyond death.

Oh, how I wish that all the world could know a love so true,

And experience the beauties and boundless joys that I know from loving you.

But only fools and children dare to dream of a love such as ours—a love so warm and wondrous that its glow outshines the stars.

       -----MARTHA HUGGINS BULLOCK

Happy Heart Day, Everyone!

Have I Done Any Good?

"Have I done any good in the world today?

Have I helped anyone in need?

Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?

If not I have failed indeed.

Had anyone's burden been lighter today because I was willing to share?

Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?

When they needed my help was I there?

Then wake up and do something more than dream of your mansion above. 

Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure,

A blessing of duty and love."

---Hymns. 223

I grew up singing the words to this beautiful hymn, and am so grateful for its influence in my life. I was also continually advised by my parents to aim to improve and uplift every person and situation I encountered each day; to contribute and edify, and to add light. This is what I have tried to do with my time here on Earth, and hope to teach my children to do as well.

A favorite poem advises us best:

Decide to do at least one good action a day,
If not several, or innumerable ones.
Talk to God every morning and ask Him,
"What good can I do today?"
He will answer you and guide you, for He is in you.
And you will have given Him life by asking Him.
God speaks to you through your soul which is the
true guide of your life.
Ask God, talk to God, dialogue with God and you
will be the source of many miracles.
You will produce them all around you.
Do at least one good action a day until the very
end of your life.
Just think what a huge amount of good that will represent!
And if all 4-7 billion people on Earth do one good
action a day WHAT A PLANET IT WILL BE!
---Dr. Robert Muller, Chancellor Emeritus, University of
Peace, Costs Rica, Former Undersecretary General of the United Nations

What a legacy we would leave if this were our goal, to: "Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can."---John Wesley

Now, go have a wonderful day, and "be the good"!

Counting Blessings

"Concentrate on counting your blessings, and you'll have little time to count anything else."

---Woodrow Knoll

Counting our blessings is a spirit-filled principle. It opens up our souls to a world filled with the rich blessings of a loving God. We become more aware of the small and simple things which make our hearts happy and open up our minds to experience the beauty and abundance in the world around us and within us. Joseph B. Wirthlin tells us to "...meditate on the things for which you really are grateful. Look for them. They don't have to be grand or glorious. Sometimes we should express our gratitude for the small and simple things like the scent of the rain, the taste of your favorite food, or the sound of a loved one's voice."1

When we choose to count our blessings, we are essentially choosing happiness. One of my favorite authors, Sarah Ban Breathnach, tells us, "Both abundance and lack(of abundance) exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend...when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present---love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us(happiness)---the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth."2

I have recently started a new "counting your blessings" ritual, and it has worked wonders for me! I bought a bag of 50 marbles. (You could use any small object that is easy to handle---dry beans, pebbles, buttons, pennies, wrapped candy, etc). The exercise consists of simply emptying the marbles (or other small object of choice) into a bowl, then, one by one, assigning a blessing to each one as you move it from the bowl back to the bag it came in. Very simple! The beauty of this exercise is that it forces you to get specific with the awareness of your blessings. Typically, most of us tend to generalize when counting blessings: "I am grateful for my body. I am grateful for my living quarters. I am grateful for food. I am grateful for my relationships." That is 4  marbles. You would still have 46 to go! You have to dig deeper. What about my living quarters am I grateful for? Running water? A refrigerator? Electricity? Carpet? A warm bed? And what about food? What food am I grateful for? My access to food? My ability to digest and metabolize food? The taste of my favorite food? A stove to cook it on? My vast access to recipes? Etc...

Now you are really counting, right? By the time you finish with all 50 marbles, you can't help but feel abundant and appreciative, and you will soon begin to see that counting youur blessings is a catalyst to happiness. After all, as Charles Spurgeon tells us, "It's not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness."

Now, have a wonderful day and go count some marbles!

1. Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Improving Our Prayers", Liahona August 2004.

2. Sarah Ban Brathnach, in John Cook, comp., "The Book of Positive Quotations, 2nd ed.(2004), 342.

Refilling Your Pitcher

"She refilled her pitcher, and in doing so, she was able to refresh everyone around her."

---Queenisms

"It had been a long, hot, and busy day at the office. The workers were tired and thirsty. The boss took a pitcher of water and began filling the workers' water glasses. Soon the pitcher was empty, but the boss continued pouring. Finally, a worker spoke up." Excuse me. Your pitcher is empty. You need to refill it before pouring any further." The boss looked at him and smiled. "You're absolutely right!" She then left to refill her pitcher."(original source unknown)

So much of happiness comes from giving and serving those around us. However, we must "refill our pitcher" in order to give and serve effectively. Every flight attendant on the planet will tell you that in the event of an emergency, you must put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. For many of us, this idea requires a paradigm shift.. But we need to remind ourselves that self-care is not selfish! We cannot serve from an empty vessel. Self care is a divine responsibility. We are children of God and need to treat ourselves as such.

Ask yourself, "What refills my pitcher?" What are the daily things---big or small---that replenish my energy when its low? What can I add to my daily routine to renew and re-energize myself. This can be different for everyone, because what energizes one person will drain another, and vice versa, so it is important to come up with some strategies that work for YOU.  A few that work well for me are:

     *A walk outside. 

     *A bubble bath.

     *Escaping into a novel or movie

     *Knitting(or craft of choice)

     *Writing in a  journal.

     *Having lunch with a friend.

     *Indulging in a treat

     *Calling a loved one

     *Creating and sticking to boundaries.

     *Getting a massage.

     *Joining a book club.

     *Writing a thank you card to someone

     *Taking a nap

     *LOVE.

How you treat yourself is how you are inviting the world to treat you. Be good to yourself!

     

Love Your Body

"There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty."

---Dr. Steve Maraboli

The day I decided I loved my body was one of the best and most liberating days of my life. I use the word "decided" because it wasn't something that happened naturally. It was a conscious choice. It didn't happen because I achieved my "goal weight'. It didn't happen because I could fit into my "skinny" jeans. It didn't happen because of anything external. It happened the day I decided to embrace my imperfections and stop trying to look "perfect"--- because perfection is subjective, and pretty much nonexistent.

Wanting to look perfect is one of the biggest enemies of happiness. Seeking physical perfection trains your brain to think you're not what you should be. This, coupled with the unrealistic and digitally-enhanced images we are constantly bombarded with through magazines, television, the internet, etc., often leaves us with intense feelings that we are "less than". 

I love the wonderful counsel of Jeffrey R. Holland in his talk, "To Young Women". He says, "I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: "You can't live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people's opinions make you self-conscious, you give away your power...The key to feeling confident is to always listen to your inner self---the real you."1

"Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good. I mention adult women because you are our greatest examples and resources for these young women. And if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won't be very surprised when your daughter does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it. WE SHOULD ALL BE AS FIT AS WE CAN BE---THAT'S GOOD WORD OF WISDOM DOCTRINE. THAT MEANS EATING RIGHT AND EXERCISING AND HELPING OUR BODIES FUNCTION AT THEIR OPTIMUM STRENGTH. WE COULD PROBABLY ALL DO BETTER IN THAT REGARD. BUT I SPEAK HERE OF OPTIMUM HEALTH; THERE IS NO UNIVERSAL OPTIMUM SIZE.

Frankly, the world has been brutal with you in this regard. You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, "If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular." That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood.

In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women face in the modern world."2

What are some thoughts you can ponder and meditate on as you attempt to love your body? Here are a few of my favorites:

     *Contemplate the idea that your body isn't your art project, but rather the vehicle which enables you to serve those around you and make the world around you a better place.

     *Pay attention to at least 10 things per day that  your body does for you (breathing, walking, bending, chewing, digesting, seeing, touching, etc) and say "thank you" to your body for making these things possible for you. When was the last time you thanked your heart for beating?

     *Consider that your body is a gift from God which houses your divine spirit, and therefore deserves love and respect from you.
      *Dont compare your body to other bodies. Comparisons are often distorted and usually lead to discontentment or false pride, both of which are toxic to the soul.

     *Talk about your body as if it belongs to someone you love, because it does!

     

Always continue to nourish your body with wholesome foods, healthy movement, and plenty of sunshine, while continually keeping in mind that you are doing these things because you love your body, not because you don't!

1.Julia DeVillers, Teen People, Sept 2005, 104.

2.Jeffrey R. Holland, "To Young Women", General Conference, 2005.

You Are What You Ingest

"Most millionaires can't tell you who got kicked off the island."

---Dave Ramsey

We have all heard the old cliche', "You are what you eat." I would like to slightly shift this familiar phrase to, "You are what you ingest---both physically and mentally". Too many of us exist on a mental diet of television and media which consists of stimulating "junk food" that leads to mental malnutrition and poor spiritual and emotional health. 

Much of the media today exposes us to antisocial behavior performed by the incompetent and insane. At the other end of the spectrum, we are being exposed to superheroes with superhuman abilities, unnatural strength, and unattainable beauty and handsomeness. A wide range of values are being beamed into us via the media, most of which are negative or out of touch with reality.

Years ago, I heard a parable which I have continued to ponder as I choose what media I expose myself to. It is called "The Stranger":

"A few months before I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our small Tennessee town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer, and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later. As I grew up I never questioned his place in our family. Mom taught me to love the Word of God. Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger was our storyteller. He could weave the most fascinating tales. Adventures, mysteries and comedies were daily conversations. He could hold our whole family spellbound for hours each evening. He was like a friend to the whole family. He took Dad, Bill and me to our first major league baseball game. He was always encouraging us to see the movies and he even made arrangements to introduce us to several movie stars. The stranger was an incessant talker. Dad didn't seem to mind, but sometimes Mom would quietly get up - while the rest of us were enthralled with one of his stories of faraway places - and go to her room read her Bible and pray. I wonder now if she ever prayed that the stranger would leave. You see, my dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions. But this stranger never felt an obligation to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our house - not from us, from our friends, or adults. Our longtime visitor, however, used occasional four-letter words that burned my ears and made Dad squirm. To my knowledge the stranger was never confronted. My dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in his home - not even for cooking. But the stranger felt he needed exposure and enlightened us to other ways of life. He offered us beer and other alcoholic beverages often. He made cigarettes look tasty, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (too much too freely) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I know now that my early concepts of the man/woman relationship were influenced by the stranger. As I look back, I believe it was the grace of God that the stranger did not influence us more. Time after time he opposed the values of my parents. Yet he was seldom rebuked and never asked to leave. More than thirty years have passed since the stranger moved in with the young family on Morningside Drive. But if I were to walk into my parents' den today, you would still see him sitting over in a corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name? We always called him TV.

 And now he has a wife. Her name is Internet."

(Author Unknown)

As with most things in life, there is virtue and vice concerning our media intake. The media can be a very beneficial tool for gathering and sharing information, and for connecting with the world around us. We simply need to find a balance and feed our minds with uplifting and edifying material. After all, "You are what you ingest!"

Purest Love

Because it is February, and this is my favorite love poem. EVER.

A love so pure that angels would be awed by its glow

And wonder how two mortals could survive the fire and grow.

God alone must know the answer of how great things come to be,

And He must have had a special plan in sending you to me.

Though days and years are measures of existence here on earth,

Perhaps we dreamed together and were comrads before birth.

I wonder if we pleaded for the uniting of our souls,

And promised to be giants in achieving earthly goals. 

No matter what the bargain, we were granted love supreme,

And a chance to help each other make reality of our dream.

Untarnished by the toils of life, our love has made us sure

That through unity of purpose, we can open any door.

We have known the pains of growing; we have felt each other's grief.

But the sharing of our burdens has helped make our suffering brief.

From our conflicts came new courage; with each heartache came a song.

With renewed determination, we have made each other strong. 

Much of life must pass unspoken—mistaking bad sometimes for good.

But with you no doubts existed, for you always understood.  

You knew the workings of my mind, the intentions of my heart.

You always seemed to understand how much you were a part 

Of everything I cherished most or deemed in life worthwhile--

How much my very happiness depended on your smile.

You've been my constant source of joy, my confidant, my friend.

In you, my dreaming never ceased—a vision without end.  

You increased my understanding of our purpose here on earth

And helped me better realize how much our time is worth--

How vital is intelligence, how much we need to learn,

If we hope to gain eternal joy and richest blessings earn.

Should tomorrow come with sadness and my journey be made incomplete, 

I would count myself most fortunate for a taste of life so sweet--

Sweet because of memories marked by thoughts of you--

Knowing that a greater love could not be shared by two.

-----MARTHA HUGGINS BULLOCK

Spending Time With The Best Vision of Yourself

"If you really knew who you really are; if you could meet the person you were designed to become before the beginnings of the foundations of this earth were laid, you would absolutely love yourself! And you would thrill at the possibilities that are yours, and you would rise up and never be the same."
---Spencer W. Kimball 

Do you want to align with the greatest vision of yourself? Several years ago, I read about a daily meditation in Sarah Ban Brethnach's lovely book, Simple Abundance, which can help you do just that.

This meditation consists of getting quiet and relaxed, and taking a journey within. Close your eyes and visualize a large, full-length mirror projecting shimmering white light. This light is is the love that enfolds and surrounds you as you look into the mirror. See the reflection of an extraordinary being, one who possesses a healthy, strong, vibrant glow and spirit. This being is radiant.  She is you! The best possible vision of you. You feel as if you have known her all your life, because you have. Spend a few minutes with her now. What is she doing? How is she doing it? What qualities does she possess? How does she nourish herself? How does she use her time and talents to bless the world around her? Visit her as often as you like. She is waiting to help you find your way as you make the journey of self-discovery.

This vision of you already exists. Ultimately, how you see yourself on the inside is eventually how you will become on the outside. Take note of any impressions you feel while looking into this "mirror", then follow up. Day by day, this woman will become manifest through you. One of the reasons you were born is to leave your own personal mark on the world. Don't delay!