The Joy of Boundaries

"We teach people how to treat us. Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you. Learn to renegotiate your relationships to have what you want."

---Dr. Phillip C. McGraw

Do you ever wonder why people treat you the way they do? Well, simply put, people do what works for them. If they get what they want by using certain behavior, they will keep that behavior in their repertoire. If they don't get what they want, they eventually drop that behavior and acquire a new one. So, what does this mean? Ultimately, it means that we each need to figure out what we are doing to reinforce or allow mistreatment. As Dr. Phil has said, "If you're involved in a relationship in which someone is consistently abusive, exploitive, or insensitive toward you, find out what you're doing to encourage that behavior, so that you can realign the relationship in a more healthy direction."1

If you don't allow people to control you, abuse you, or mistreat you, you will be happier. This is obvious, right? But so many times we don't realize we may be allowing it to happen. We don't realize how much control we could have over our own happiness if we would stop allowing ourselves to be mistreated. In short, we don't always have good boundaries.

Controlling verses Frustrated

One of my favorite pieces of advice on this subject comes from Dr. Henry Cloud in his book, "The Law of Happiness". He tells us this: "Think about it. You only describe someone as controlling because you give into his having to do everything his way, or you give into his criticism in some way. So when you give in, you feel controlled and you call him controlling. So my suggestion is that you turn him into a frustrated person instead of a controlling person by one simple step: stop giving in! If you don't give in to his demands or manipulation, he is no longer "controlling", is he? He is frustrated instead. He is frustrated that you won't give in, but he no longer has control of anything at that point, does he? Just say no, and the problem will be solved. Then, empathize with him, and say, "So sorry that it frustrates you that I won't do that for you. I understand." It is nice to empathize with someone who is frustrated, but its destructive to give in to someone who is trying to control you."2

Obviously there are some cases where you may be dealing with someone who is physically abusive, and in that case, do not set direct limits on him if you will be in danger. Go to a shelter or get help from others. Safety comes first.

Having boundaries means that you set limits on what you will and will not allow in your life. Healthy boundaries guard your heart, your mind, your soul, and your energy. If you are guarding yourself, then predators of unhappiness will have a much harder time diminishing your joy.

It is important to name your boundaries. Here are a few suggestions:

*I will not tolerate abuse of any kind.

*I will not allow anyone to make me feel inferior.

*I will not feel guilty for saying "no" when appropriate.

*I will not allow anyone to invade my physical or emotional space.

*I will not allow anyone to take up my time without my consent.

Create boundaries, stick to them, and watch your life improve:). May the joy be with you!

1. Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, "Life Strategies"

2. Dr. Henry Cloud, "The Law of Happiness: How Spiritual Wisdom and Modern Science Can Change Your Life".

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

Today, March 2, 2016, marks the 112th birthday of one of my favorite authors, Theodore Seuss Geisel---more commonly known as a the extraordinary "Dr. Seuss"! Although his voice was silenced in 1991, his life and writings continue to influence and entertain both children and adults alike.  His poem, an "Ode To A Zode", has had a poignant effect on my thinking since I was a child, and for this reason I am sharing it with you today:

ODE TO A ZODE 

By Dr. Seuss

Did I ever tell you about the young Zode,

Who came to two signs at the fork of a road?

One said: “To Place One,” and the other:  “Place Two.”

So, the Zode had to make up his mind what to do.

Well, the Zode scratched his head, and his chin, and his pants;

And he said to himself:  “I’ll be taking a chance!

If I go to Place One, now, that place may be hot,

And so, how do I know if I’ll like it or not?

On the other hand, though, I’ll be sort of a fool

If I go to Place Two and I find it too cool.

In that case, I may catch a chill and turn blue! 

So, maybe Place One is the best, not Place Two.

On the other hand, though, if Place One is too high,

I might get a migraine headache and die!

So, Place Two may be best. . . 

On the other hand, though, what might happen to me if Place Two is too low?

I might get some very strange pain in my toe!”

Then he stopped and he said, “Well, on the other hand. . . 

But on the other hand. . . well, on the other hand, though!”

And for 36 hours and a half, that poor Zode

Made stops and starts at that fork in the road,

Saying:  “Don’t take a chance!  You may not be right!”

Then he got an idea that was wonderfully bright.

“Play safe!”  cried the Zode.  “I’ll play safe; I’m no dunce.

I’ll simply start off for both places at once!”

And that’s how the Zode, who would not take a chance,

Got to No Place At All, with a split in his pants!

How many of us end up at "no place at all" because we let fear, doubt and uncertainty paralyze our progress? Fear and doubt kill more dreams than failure ever will. Many, many successful people failed numerous times before they achieved success. Babies fall down time after time in the process of learning to walk. How sad would it be if a baby simply gave up along the way, saying to himself, "this walking thing isn't for me."? 

Take a step TODAY toward your dream, even if it is a very small one. Don't fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today with your passion lying dormant inside you.

Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!

Designing Your Perfect Day

In the tale of "Alice In Wonderland", there comes a point where Alice arrives at a fork in the road that leads in different directions. She asks the Cheshire Cat, "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"  

     "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," the Cheshire Cat replied.

     "I don't much care where..." said Alice.

     "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

The Cheshire Cat spoke the truth, didn't he? If we don't know where we want to go, then it doesn't matter which road we take. Can you imagine getting into a cab and not telling the driver where to take you? It would be preposterous! Unfortunately, many of us take this approach with our lives. When asked, "What do you want to do with your life?" we oftentimes say, "I don't know..."

One of my favorite techniques for overcoming this obstacle is to design the perfect day in the mind. This is an abstract way of goal setting and metaphorically drawing up blueprints for your future. Ask yourself, "If I could wake up and experience my perfect day, what would it consist of? How would I feel? What would I eat? What activities would I participate in? Who would I spend my time with? How healthy would I be? What character traits would I give to the world? How would I contribute? 

This exercise is extremely beneficial to success because it gives us a vision of where we want to go. Each of us have within our brains a small network of cells, about four inches long, called the "reticular activating system." It is about the size and shape of 1/4 of an apple. This network of cells performs the function of filtering incoming sensory stimuli (sight, sound, smell, and touch). It determines which stimuli is going to make an impression in the mind. It decides what information is going to become part of your world. The great thing about the reticular activating system is that it can be programmed to be on alert for success-related inputs. It will help you to pick up on opportunities in your environment that can help you to get to where you want to go and live the life of your dreams. 

You are the designer of your destiny. Don't delay, start today!

It Shows In Your Face

My mother always told me that "Pretty is as pretty does". Over the course of my life, I have come to know the truthfulness of this statement. The most beautiful people in the world are those with beautiful hearts and minds, who perform beautiful deeds. They see, look for, and bring out the beauty in others.

The following poem is one that has influenced my idea of beauty throughout my life. We could all benefit from taking its message to heart...

IT SHOWS IN YOUR FACE

You don't have to say how you live each day.

You don't have to say if you work or play.

A tried, true barometer serves in the place,

However you live, it shows in your face!

The false, the deceit that you bear in your heart

Will not stay inside where it first got its start.

For sinew and blood are a thin veil of lace.

What you wear in your heart, you wear on your face.

If your life is unselfish; if for others you live--

For not what you can get but for what you can give.

If you live close to God in His infinite grace,

You don't have to tell it; it shows in your face.
---Karlene Garner

Ultimately, no one will love you for how great you are, but rather for how great you make them feel! To quote the beautiful words of Marvin J. Ashton, "Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart; one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them."

Do these things, and you will always be beautiful. Now go, and share your beauty with the world!

Talk About Your Joys

"Law of attraction says: 'We'll give you whatever it is you say and focus on', and so if you are complaining about how bad it is, what you're creating is more of how bad it is."

Jack Canfield

Do you enjoy listening to others complain a lot about how bad things are? Most of us would probably answer "no!" If this is the case, the reverse is also true: if YOU are complaining, those around you probably aren't enjoying listening.

When I talk about complaining, I am not referring to addressing issues that need to be addressed or working through conflict. I am referring to chronically expressing how bad things are. Do you come home from work at night and complain about work to your spouse? Then return to work the next morning and complain about your spouse to your coworkers? What a toxic cycle! It doesn't help the situation to improve, and puts you and those around you in a negative vibrational state of mind. What you focus on expands, and if you are always talking about your troubles, you will keep attracting more troubles! I love these wise words of Maya Angelo: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain".

There is no situation so bad that complaining won't make it worse. So what can you do when you feel the urge to complain? Try asking yourself these simple questions: What is something that I love and am grateful for? What is something in my life that I appreciate right now? What is something around me that brings a smile to my face? These questions will help your mind to shift focus, and to train it to look for the good in life. When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars. Appreciation and complaining can't co-exist in the mind, so focus on the one that will serve you! 

Now go your way, and have a wonderful, complaint-free day!

Happy People Don't Compare Themselves

"The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday."

---unknown

We have all heard the statement, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". Over the past few years I have heard many variations of this statement which include: "Their grass is greener because it is fake", or "Their grass is greener because it is fertilized with manure", or, on a more positive note, "The grass is greenest where you water it". 

The interesting thing about these "grass is greener" statements is that they are all rooted in comparison. Whose grass is greener and why? Does their grass simply "appear" to be greener than mine? Maybe if I water my own grass it will be as green as theirs.  Comparison, comparison, comparison!

One of the greatest discoveries of my life is that there is an unlimited supply of happiness and success, or "green grass", so to speak, to go around. What this means to me is that when a  neighbor (or friend, co-worker, sibling, etc) is experiencing some sort of "green grass",   it is evidence that this beautiful planet we live on can produce lush green grass! This is a wonderful thing!

It is also very important to remember that we are all brothers and sisters journeying together here on this earth, and the feelings you feel toward others, you attract to yourself. You reap what you sow. Another way of saying this is, "What you wish for another, you wish for yourself."

God has made you unique, with your own gifts and abilities, talents and horsepower. You have gifts and talents that come naturally to you as part of your makeup. Your job is to become the best "YOU" you possibly can.  Develop and utilize your uniqueness, then use your gifts to cultivate a world where green grass abounds for all!

Love Triumphant

LOVE TRIUMPHANT

Should all the stars of Heaven combine to cast a glorious hue,

Their brilliance would be as a candle's flame compared to my love for you.

For you have been the star of my life that brightened up the day.

You are the one whose constant smile helped push the clouds away.

In you, I found a trusted friend and joy beyond compare.

You must have been the answer to my pre-existent prayer. . . . 

To think we've born the struggles of life, walking the path together,

And basked in the glow of each other's joys, undaunted by stormy weather.

Together we met our triumphs and trials—facing them hand in hand,

Always assured, regardless of pain, each other would understand.

Adversities came and tugged at our roots—forcing them deeper to grow.

Then bonding together, the weak grew strong and crushed with a mighty blow.

Determined to gain what we set out to win, no challenge could be too great.

Uniting our forces, we forged our way beyond every down-hill fate.

We two became one as we ripened with years and nurtured the love we had known.

Every heartache we knew, every sky that was blue was never encountered alone.

We shared every hope, every dream, every wish—holding sacred each confidence told.

We were eager to share every thought, every care—any warmth to protect from the cold.

Time was our friend, as each mountain we climbed, safely reaching the other side.

With each cross to bear, we found miracles there, and a deepened, new sense of pride.

Oceans between us could not dampen the love that we felt with our every breath;

For love is eternal and forever will grow, uniting us far beyond death.

Oh, how I wish that all the world could know a love so true,

And experience the beauties and boundless joys that I know from loving you.

But only fools and children dare to dream of a love such as ours—a love so warm and wondrous that its glow outshines the stars.

       -----MARTHA HUGGINS BULLOCK

Happy Heart Day, Everyone!

Have I Done Any Good?

"Have I done any good in the world today?

Have I helped anyone in need?

Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?

If not I have failed indeed.

Had anyone's burden been lighter today because I was willing to share?

Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?

When they needed my help was I there?

Then wake up and do something more than dream of your mansion above. 

Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure,

A blessing of duty and love."

---Hymns. 223

I grew up singing the words to this beautiful hymn, and am so grateful for its influence in my life. I was also continually advised by my parents to aim to improve and uplift every person and situation I encountered each day; to contribute and edify, and to add light. This is what I have tried to do with my time here on Earth, and hope to teach my children to do as well.

A favorite poem advises us best:

Decide to do at least one good action a day,
If not several, or innumerable ones.
Talk to God every morning and ask Him,
"What good can I do today?"
He will answer you and guide you, for He is in you.
And you will have given Him life by asking Him.
God speaks to you through your soul which is the
true guide of your life.
Ask God, talk to God, dialogue with God and you
will be the source of many miracles.
You will produce them all around you.
Do at least one good action a day until the very
end of your life.
Just think what a huge amount of good that will represent!
And if all 4-7 billion people on Earth do one good
action a day WHAT A PLANET IT WILL BE!
---Dr. Robert Muller, Chancellor Emeritus, University of
Peace, Costs Rica, Former Undersecretary General of the United Nations

What a legacy we would leave if this were our goal, to: "Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can."---John Wesley

Now, go have a wonderful day, and "be the good"!

Counting Blessings

"Concentrate on counting your blessings, and you'll have little time to count anything else."

---Woodrow Knoll

Counting our blessings is a spirit-filled principle. It opens up our souls to a world filled with the rich blessings of a loving God. We become more aware of the small and simple things which make our hearts happy and open up our minds to experience the beauty and abundance in the world around us and within us. Joseph B. Wirthlin tells us to "...meditate on the things for which you really are grateful. Look for them. They don't have to be grand or glorious. Sometimes we should express our gratitude for the small and simple things like the scent of the rain, the taste of your favorite food, or the sound of a loved one's voice."1

When we choose to count our blessings, we are essentially choosing happiness. One of my favorite authors, Sarah Ban Breathnach, tells us, "Both abundance and lack(of abundance) exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend...when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present---love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us(happiness)---the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth."2

I have recently started a new "counting your blessings" ritual, and it has worked wonders for me! I bought a bag of 50 marbles. (You could use any small object that is easy to handle---dry beans, pebbles, buttons, pennies, wrapped candy, etc). The exercise consists of simply emptying the marbles (or other small object of choice) into a bowl, then, one by one, assigning a blessing to each one as you move it from the bowl back to the bag it came in. Very simple! The beauty of this exercise is that it forces you to get specific with the awareness of your blessings. Typically, most of us tend to generalize when counting blessings: "I am grateful for my body. I am grateful for my living quarters. I am grateful for food. I am grateful for my relationships." That is 4  marbles. You would still have 46 to go! You have to dig deeper. What about my living quarters am I grateful for? Running water? A refrigerator? Electricity? Carpet? A warm bed? And what about food? What food am I grateful for? My access to food? My ability to digest and metabolize food? The taste of my favorite food? A stove to cook it on? My vast access to recipes? Etc...

Now you are really counting, right? By the time you finish with all 50 marbles, you can't help but feel abundant and appreciative, and you will soon begin to see that counting youur blessings is a catalyst to happiness. After all, as Charles Spurgeon tells us, "It's not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness."

Now, have a wonderful day and go count some marbles!

1. Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Improving Our Prayers", Liahona August 2004.

2. Sarah Ban Brathnach, in John Cook, comp., "The Book of Positive Quotations, 2nd ed.(2004), 342.

Refilling Your Pitcher

"She refilled her pitcher, and in doing so, she was able to refresh everyone around her."

---Queenisms

"It had been a long, hot, and busy day at the office. The workers were tired and thirsty. The boss took a pitcher of water and began filling the workers' water glasses. Soon the pitcher was empty, but the boss continued pouring. Finally, a worker spoke up." Excuse me. Your pitcher is empty. You need to refill it before pouring any further." The boss looked at him and smiled. "You're absolutely right!" She then left to refill her pitcher."(original source unknown)

So much of happiness comes from giving and serving those around us. However, we must "refill our pitcher" in order to give and serve effectively. Every flight attendant on the planet will tell you that in the event of an emergency, you must put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. For many of us, this idea requires a paradigm shift.. But we need to remind ourselves that self-care is not selfish! We cannot serve from an empty vessel. Self care is a divine responsibility. We are children of God and need to treat ourselves as such.

Ask yourself, "What refills my pitcher?" What are the daily things---big or small---that replenish my energy when its low? What can I add to my daily routine to renew and re-energize myself. This can be different for everyone, because what energizes one person will drain another, and vice versa, so it is important to come up with some strategies that work for YOU.  A few that work well for me are:

     *A walk outside. 

     *A bubble bath.

     *Escaping into a novel or movie

     *Knitting(or craft of choice)

     *Writing in a  journal.

     *Having lunch with a friend.

     *Indulging in a treat

     *Calling a loved one

     *Creating and sticking to boundaries.

     *Getting a massage.

     *Joining a book club.

     *Writing a thank you card to someone

     *Taking a nap

     *LOVE.

How you treat yourself is how you are inviting the world to treat you. Be good to yourself!

     

Love Your Body

"There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty."

---Dr. Steve Maraboli

The day I decided I loved my body was one of the best and most liberating days of my life. I use the word "decided" because it wasn't something that happened naturally. It was a conscious choice. It didn't happen because I achieved my "goal weight'. It didn't happen because I could fit into my "skinny" jeans. It didn't happen because of anything external. It happened the day I decided to embrace my imperfections and stop trying to look "perfect"--- because perfection is subjective, and pretty much nonexistent.

Wanting to look perfect is one of the biggest enemies of happiness. Seeking physical perfection trains your brain to think you're not what you should be. This, coupled with the unrealistic and digitally-enhanced images we are constantly bombarded with through magazines, television, the internet, etc., often leaves us with intense feelings that we are "less than". 

I love the wonderful counsel of Jeffrey R. Holland in his talk, "To Young Women". He says, "I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: "You can't live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people's opinions make you self-conscious, you give away your power...The key to feeling confident is to always listen to your inner self---the real you."1

"Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good. I mention adult women because you are our greatest examples and resources for these young women. And if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won't be very surprised when your daughter does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it. WE SHOULD ALL BE AS FIT AS WE CAN BE---THAT'S GOOD WORD OF WISDOM DOCTRINE. THAT MEANS EATING RIGHT AND EXERCISING AND HELPING OUR BODIES FUNCTION AT THEIR OPTIMUM STRENGTH. WE COULD PROBABLY ALL DO BETTER IN THAT REGARD. BUT I SPEAK HERE OF OPTIMUM HEALTH; THERE IS NO UNIVERSAL OPTIMUM SIZE.

Frankly, the world has been brutal with you in this regard. You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, "If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular." That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood.

In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women face in the modern world."2

What are some thoughts you can ponder and meditate on as you attempt to love your body? Here are a few of my favorites:

     *Contemplate the idea that your body isn't your art project, but rather the vehicle which enables you to serve those around you and make the world around you a better place.

     *Pay attention to at least 10 things per day that  your body does for you (breathing, walking, bending, chewing, digesting, seeing, touching, etc) and say "thank you" to your body for making these things possible for you. When was the last time you thanked your heart for beating?

     *Consider that your body is a gift from God which houses your divine spirit, and therefore deserves love and respect from you.
      *Dont compare your body to other bodies. Comparisons are often distorted and usually lead to discontentment or false pride, both of which are toxic to the soul.

     *Talk about your body as if it belongs to someone you love, because it does!

     

Always continue to nourish your body with wholesome foods, healthy movement, and plenty of sunshine, while continually keeping in mind that you are doing these things because you love your body, not because you don't!

1.Julia DeVillers, Teen People, Sept 2005, 104.

2.Jeffrey R. Holland, "To Young Women", General Conference, 2005.

You Are What You Ingest

"Most millionaires can't tell you who got kicked off the island."

---Dave Ramsey

We have all heard the old cliche', "You are what you eat." I would like to slightly shift this familiar phrase to, "You are what you ingest---both physically and mentally". Too many of us exist on a mental diet of television and media which consists of stimulating "junk food" that leads to mental malnutrition and poor spiritual and emotional health. 

Much of the media today exposes us to antisocial behavior performed by the incompetent and insane. At the other end of the spectrum, we are being exposed to superheroes with superhuman abilities, unnatural strength, and unattainable beauty and handsomeness. A wide range of values are being beamed into us via the media, most of which are negative or out of touch with reality.

Years ago, I heard a parable which I have continued to ponder as I choose what media I expose myself to. It is called "The Stranger":

"A few months before I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our small Tennessee town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer, and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later. As I grew up I never questioned his place in our family. Mom taught me to love the Word of God. Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger was our storyteller. He could weave the most fascinating tales. Adventures, mysteries and comedies were daily conversations. He could hold our whole family spellbound for hours each evening. He was like a friend to the whole family. He took Dad, Bill and me to our first major league baseball game. He was always encouraging us to see the movies and he even made arrangements to introduce us to several movie stars. The stranger was an incessant talker. Dad didn't seem to mind, but sometimes Mom would quietly get up - while the rest of us were enthralled with one of his stories of faraway places - and go to her room read her Bible and pray. I wonder now if she ever prayed that the stranger would leave. You see, my dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions. But this stranger never felt an obligation to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our house - not from us, from our friends, or adults. Our longtime visitor, however, used occasional four-letter words that burned my ears and made Dad squirm. To my knowledge the stranger was never confronted. My dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in his home - not even for cooking. But the stranger felt he needed exposure and enlightened us to other ways of life. He offered us beer and other alcoholic beverages often. He made cigarettes look tasty, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (too much too freely) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I know now that my early concepts of the man/woman relationship were influenced by the stranger. As I look back, I believe it was the grace of God that the stranger did not influence us more. Time after time he opposed the values of my parents. Yet he was seldom rebuked and never asked to leave. More than thirty years have passed since the stranger moved in with the young family on Morningside Drive. But if I were to walk into my parents' den today, you would still see him sitting over in a corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name? We always called him TV.

 And now he has a wife. Her name is Internet."

(Author Unknown)

As with most things in life, there is virtue and vice concerning our media intake. The media can be a very beneficial tool for gathering and sharing information, and for connecting with the world around us. We simply need to find a balance and feed our minds with uplifting and edifying material. After all, "You are what you ingest!"

Purest Love

Because it is February, and this is my favorite love poem. EVER.

A love so pure that angels would be awed by its glow

And wonder how two mortals could survive the fire and grow.

God alone must know the answer of how great things come to be,

And He must have had a special plan in sending you to me.

Though days and years are measures of existence here on earth,

Perhaps we dreamed together and were comrads before birth.

I wonder if we pleaded for the uniting of our souls,

And promised to be giants in achieving earthly goals. 

No matter what the bargain, we were granted love supreme,

And a chance to help each other make reality of our dream.

Untarnished by the toils of life, our love has made us sure

That through unity of purpose, we can open any door.

We have known the pains of growing; we have felt each other's grief.

But the sharing of our burdens has helped make our suffering brief.

From our conflicts came new courage; with each heartache came a song.

With renewed determination, we have made each other strong. 

Much of life must pass unspoken—mistaking bad sometimes for good.

But with you no doubts existed, for you always understood.  

You knew the workings of my mind, the intentions of my heart.

You always seemed to understand how much you were a part 

Of everything I cherished most or deemed in life worthwhile--

How much my very happiness depended on your smile.

You've been my constant source of joy, my confidant, my friend.

In you, my dreaming never ceased—a vision without end.  

You increased my understanding of our purpose here on earth

And helped me better realize how much our time is worth--

How vital is intelligence, how much we need to learn,

If we hope to gain eternal joy and richest blessings earn.

Should tomorrow come with sadness and my journey be made incomplete, 

I would count myself most fortunate for a taste of life so sweet--

Sweet because of memories marked by thoughts of you--

Knowing that a greater love could not be shared by two.

-----MARTHA HUGGINS BULLOCK

Spending Time With The Best Vision of Yourself

"If you really knew who you really are; if you could meet the person you were designed to become before the beginnings of the foundations of this earth were laid, you would absolutely love yourself! And you would thrill at the possibilities that are yours, and you would rise up and never be the same."
---Spencer W. Kimball 

Do you want to align with the greatest vision of yourself? Several years ago, I read about a daily meditation in Sarah Ban Brethnach's lovely book, Simple Abundance, which can help you do just that.

This meditation consists of getting quiet and relaxed, and taking a journey within. Close your eyes and visualize a large, full-length mirror projecting shimmering white light. This light is is the love that enfolds and surrounds you as you look into the mirror. See the reflection of an extraordinary being, one who possesses a healthy, strong, vibrant glow and spirit. This being is radiant.  She is you! The best possible vision of you. You feel as if you have known her all your life, because you have. Spend a few minutes with her now. What is she doing? How is she doing it? What qualities does she possess? How does she nourish herself? How does she use her time and talents to bless the world around her? Visit her as often as you like. She is waiting to help you find your way as you make the journey of self-discovery.

This vision of you already exists. Ultimately, how you see yourself on the inside is eventually how you will become on the outside. Take note of any impressions you feel while looking into this "mirror", then follow up. Day by day, this woman will become manifest through you. One of the reasons you were born is to leave your own personal mark on the world. Don't delay!

The Importance Of The Last 5 Minutes Of Your Day

"When you enter into a sleepy, drowsy state, the conscious mind is submerged to a great extent. The highest degree of outcropping of the subconscious mind occurs just prior to sleep and just after we awaken. In this state the negative thoughts, which tend to neutralize your desires and so prevent acceptance by your subconscious mind, are no longer present."
---Dr. Joseph Murphy, The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind

What do you do with the last 5 minutes of your day? That last 5 minutes between awake and asleep? Do you lay in bed and worry? Do you fall asleep to the sound of the television? Do you simply let your mind drift off into dreamland?

What you do with the last 5 minutes of your day is pivotal. Why? Because in this portion of the day, your deeper mind(subconscious mind) is very susceptible to suggestion and imprinting. In Rhonda Byrne's book, Hero, she states, "The most powerful time to reprogram the subconscious mind is when you're falling asleep at night. When you're in that very sleepy state of being half asleep and half awake, plant the thought that you can do anything and you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Your aim is to make that "believing in yourself" thought your last thought before you fall asleep, because the very last thought you think as you're falling asleep goes straight past the firewall and into your subconscious mind. And when that thought goes past the firewall, the subconscious mind must accept it as true".

This is extremely powerful because whatever beliefs you hold in your subconscious mind eventually manifest in your life. Your subconscious is connected to Divine Intelligence, and once Divine Intelligence has instructions, it will work with you to bring into reality what you believe. "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."(Proverbs 23:7).

This valuable 5 minutes before sleep is a perfect time to affirm "I AM" statements, or self-affirmations. Do you have a list of "I AM" statements that you repeat to yourself? These statements can be very powerful because whatever you put after the words 'I AM" will ultimately shape your reality. A few examples are:

I am happy.
I am creative.
I am confident.
I am loving.
I am worthy.
I am healthy.
I am capable.
I am kind.
I am good with money.
I am friendly.
I am an excellent mother(father, brother, teacher, wife, manager, student, employee, etc).
I am blessed.
I am protected.
I am successful.
I am grateful.
I am helpful.
I am content.

Make your "I Am" statements personal. What do you want to become? As you say these statements(particularly during the last 5 minutes of your day), you are figuratively tatoo-ing them into your mind and experience. They have transformative power! Use these precious pre-sleep moments to visualize and emotionalize your best life, and day by day, it will become yours!

Happiness Tool #4: Creativity

We are each born with the desire to create and self express. It feels wonderful to create something that didn't exist before, doesn't it? A painting, a poem,  an engine, a business plan, a garden, a building, a relationship, a speech,  a pie, etc...

As children, most of us drew in coloring books, sculpted with modeling clay, made up plays, painted pictures, or worked on other types of art projects either at home or at school. Unfortunately, as adults, we can tend to get so wrapped up in the duties of everyday life, that we let our creative pursuits take a back seat. Recently though, artistic expression has been gaining popularity among the "grown up" crowd. Coloring books for adults have been selling out of craft stores and book stores with claims that making art can help us to become more mindful and resilient. I haven't purchased one(yet), but can tell you from experience that participating in any sort creative activity can bring great intrinsic satisfaction. In his beautiful talk entitled "Happiness, Our Heritage", President Dieter F. Uchdtorf said, "Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty."

So, where do we start? Here are a few suggestions:

     *Sign up for a class in something you've never done before. Creativity flourishes when you push yourself outside of your comfort zone. If you feel you don't have the time or money for a formal class, search pinterest or youtube for fun tutorials.

     *Keep a notebook and use it. When creative ideas come to your mind, write them down immediately, then follow up as soon as you can.

     *Stop watching television!

     *Make a collage. This doesn't have to have a purpose other than fun and the beauty of making something.

     *Make a list(or fill a box) with things you love. Think of all the things that delight you in this world.

      *Revisit hobbies from your past.

     *Try a new recipe

     *Set your table in a different way.

     *Get up early and watch the sunrise.

     *Listen to music you've never listened to before.

     *Take photos.

     *Beautify a space.

     *See how many smiles you can create on the faces of others.

     *Go see (or participate in) a live play, live music, or live anything! 

     *Join a choir.

     *Plan and carry out a "themed" dinner. (My kids LOVE this one!)

     *Visit a new place.

     *Host a craft night.

     *Visit your local library. Libraries are full of things with the ability of sparking creativity!

     

Early LDS Church President Brigham Young once said, "There is a great work for the Saints to do. Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time, continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ."(Brigham Young, Deseret News, Aug. 8, 1860, 177).

Begin today to appreciate and cultivate the truly amazing creative ability that lies within you!

Happiness Tool #3: Challenges

I once read the story of a woman, who, at age 40 was always saying how wonderful and trouble-free her life had been. Problems and trials had seemed to pass her by. She came from a wealthy family and was born with natural beauty. When her friends talked about financial struggles, or the pain of being insecure teenage ugly-ducklings, she couldn't have real compassion for them since she herself had always been beautiful and self-assured.  She had never dealt with the problems of low self-esteem so many teenagers do.

Then suddenly her life changed and problems seemed to pile upon her from every direction---sickness, problems with her marriage and children, financial trials, etc. Since she had never been "gifted" with other problems to solve one at a time throughout her life to strengthen and ground her, she found herself struggling hopelessly in her plight.

Pondering a situation like this has made me realize what a blessing our education in learning to deal with trials and hardships truly can be!  William Penn said, "No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall no glory; no cross, no crown."

"When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what the storm is all about".---Haruki Murakami

I believe that God is much more interested in our personal growth than in our non-stop pleasure. It is our personal growth that enables us to experience true joy. To prosper without struggle is to never comprehend the value of the eventual blessing and deliverance from the trial.  Struggle also keeps us going to our knees, which brings us closer to God. That is ALWAYS a blessing!

Challenges are great awakeners. It may be easy to believe that a challenge-free life is a happy life. However, life with its challenges stimulates our growth and development. Looking closely back over your life, you can always see that your growth was accelerated when you faced some form of suffering or pain that brought you to your knees.

In his classic book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis said, "Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps,you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different from the one you thought of---throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage, but He is building a palace He intends to come and live in Himself."

We are being being built into palaces! What a beautiful image to keep in mind when the the trials of life come upon us. "Flowers shed most of their perfume when they are crushed. Men and women have to suffer just so much in order to bring out the best that is in them." (Orson F. Whitney, IE, November 1918, pp. 5-7.)

My favorite poem exemplifying this principle is  written by my wonderful mother. It is appropriately titled, "A Measure of Love"...

A MEASURE OF LOVE

By Martha Huggins Bullock

Why does God send us the sunshine

And then hide it with clouds of gray?

Why does He send us the darkness

At the close of a beautiful day?

Why does He bless us with laughter

And then send us a share of sorrow?

Why does He give us confidence

To be dashed on the next tomorrow?

Why does He make our hearts happy

And then let them be broken in two?

Why does He give us someone to love

Then conceal His gift from our view?

When we're happy, it's easy to praise God

For all of the joys we have known.

But how quickly our faith seems to falter

When we think that He's left us alone.

Yet ever and always He's with us,

Watching over with His tender care.

Our hardships are merely stepping stones--

Each one is a Heavenly stair.

God gives us many a challenge.

Each one is a measure of love,

To give us the strength and experience

To become like our Father above.

So, when the trials of life befall us,

And we're sure that we'll never get through,

Just remember each problem that God sends your way,

Is a measure of His love for you.

(Written to be read at the funeral of her infant daughter, my sister, Caprice Angelique Bullock, who died on February 13, 1982.)

We will all be faced with trials and challenges in life. Will they make you bitter? Or BETTER? The choice is yours.

Happiness Tool #2: Connection

"The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships."

---Anthony Robbins

Our connections with other people are at the heart of happiness, both theirs and ours. Volumes of books could be filled with research findings regarding the power of healthy relationships in relation to happiness. Everything we value in life is affected by the level of human connection that we have, both positive and negative.

In Dr. Henry Cloud's wonderful book, The Law of Happiness, he tells us, "Your brain, your heart, your soul, and your body respond to relationships with others. Relationships are where we get our fuel, our motivation, our sustaining power, and more. Your brain chemistry, for example, changes with support, as does your immune system."

When we have strong support systems and healthy relationships in our lives, we tend to be:

     *Physically healthier, with stronger immune systems, and less illness.

     *Medically more likely to deal with illnesses and treatment well.

     *Emotionally healthier, with less stress, depression, and anxiety.

     *More likely to reach attempts to change our lives.

     *More able to reach goals.

     *And more!...

"Reach out and touch someone" is more than just a great Hallmark marketing slogan; it is excellent advice for achieving more happiness in your life. What could you do today to strengthen your relationship connections? Send a text message or email of appreciation. Better yet, send a "snail mail" card! (Who doesn't love receiving a personal card in their mailbox?). Invite a friend out to lunch. Plan a date night with your significant other. Plan a craft night or game night with friends. Say "I'm sorry. Say "I love you". The possibilities are endless...

Simply put, we need each other. Let's connect!!

Happiness Tool #1: Giving/Sharing

One of my daily philosophies of life is "CHOOSE HAPPINESS". But how? My next few posts will consist of  simple tools you can use to create more happiness in your daily life.

 Happiness Tool #1: Giving/Sharing

"He who has not learned the blessed art of sharing has not learned the true path to happiness, for happiness comes only by sharing. And let it be forever remembered that all riches may be embellished and multiplied by the simple process of sharing them where they may serve others. And let it be also remembered that the space one occupies in the hearts of his fellowmen is determined precisely by the service he renders through some form of sharing his blessings."

---Napoleon Hill, The Master-Key To Riches

Imagine a world where you couldn't share or give of yourself. You could  have a beautiful voice and talent for singing, but couldn't ever sing for anyone. You could have the ability to bake a sinfully delicious chocolate cake, but couldn't ever give a taste to anyone. You could have millions of dollars in the bank, but couldn't spend a dime on anyone but yourself. You could have a vast amount of knowledge in your area of expertise, but couldn't share that knowledge with anyone. You could own a lovely, spacious home, but couldn't share it with friends and family. What an empty existence it would be indeed! 

The reality is, a person's life is not their possessions, but their investments of themselves.

How can you give of yourself today? Think about the ways which you may share of your time, talents, skills, emotional energy and financial resources. As you begin to give of yourself, you will notice that you will start to have more and more to share with the world. What we share expands. Happy Giving!

24 Hour Love Challenge

"Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire."

---Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Valentines Day is coming up in a few weeks and I couldn't be more excited! I love "decking the halls" with red and pink hearts, making heart-shaped cookies and chocolate-dipped strawberries, sipping "love potions" with my husband and children, enjoying our annual Chinese take out Valentine dinner, and planning fun surprises for those I love.

However, I realize that there are many people who dread this time of year, and actually refer to Valentines Day as S.A.D.(Single Awareness Day).  I am here to tell you that this doesn't have to be the case!  

What if, rather than focusing purely on romantic relationships(or lack thereof), we each chose at least one 24-hour period to focus on infusing our minds, circumstances, environments, relationships, and even our dreams with pure, unconditional love?  What would happen?

Dr. Wayne Dyer gives us a beautiful answer. "What can you expect as you practice a few days of being total, unconditional love? If all of your meditations are devoted to love, and if you pour love into every single situation and every single person you meet, and beyond that to everyone on the planet and to the infinity of the universe, you will feel yourself becoming a different person. You will sleep more soundly. You will feel at peace virtually all the time. Your relationships will be more deeply spiritual. Most significantly, you will begin to see "coincidences" of your life with greater regularity. Your thought forms of unconditional love will begin to produce what you desire without your even being aware of how it is happening. Your dreams will be more intense, and the vision of your purpose will become clearer."1

The gift of agency is one of God's greatest gifts to His children, and the ability we each have to embrace any thoughts we desire is one of the most beautiful and powerful aspects of this gift. It is the nature of our thoughts to grow and expand. The more we practice thoughts of unconditional love, the more we will see both our inner and outer worlds transform. Begin the challenge today: 24 hours of thinking, acting, and radiating nothing but unconditional love. Ready, set, LOVE!

1. Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Manifest Your Destiny, p.95

The Concept That Changed My Life: Thanking God In Advance

I have heard it said that thanking God after He answers a prayer is gratitude. Thanking Him in advance is faith!

About 15 years ago, I came across this concept and it changed my life: The power of picturing in my mind the best possible scenario or outcome in any situation, and then thanking God for it in advance. Since I believe that what we think about we ultimately bring about, this concept made perfect sense to me, and I started experimenting with it.

Whenever I had an upcoming job interview, visit with a friend, doctor appointment, speech to give, song to perform, party to host, soulmate to meet, home to find, situation to confront, etc, I would play out the best possible outcome in my mind---how happy I would feel that things went smoothly, how wonderful it would be to share the news with loved ones and friends, etc. When the situation was of a weighty matter, I would fast while continually focusing on how happy I would be if the best case scenario took place. I would also end every prayer and thought session with "I am asking for this or better". Sometimes as I was thinking about the best possible outcome, I would have feelings come to me giving me the impression that I didn't really want what I thought I did, or that what I thought would be a great outcome really wouldn't be, so I would change my focus.

I made a constant effort to focus on positive outcomes, and to do all that I could to dwell on the good things I already had. When doubtful or negative thoughts would start coming to my mind, I would push them away as quickly as possible and say to myself, "The best possible outcome is coming my way. I ask God for this or better"

The results of my experimenting were astounding. 99% of the time, the best possible outcome to situations in my life came to pass. For the 1% it didn't, it ended up being BETTER than what I thought would be the best possible outcome.

I know that we are all children of God, and as a result we have quite spectacular spiritual DNA. In Catherine Ponder's Book, The Prospering Power of Prayer, she eloquently states, "As spiritual beings, we have the power to help create our own circumstances, events, and environment. The secret is to sing, to rejoice, to praise and to give thanks even before there seems to be anything for which to give thanks."

It is important to always remember that most miracles take time, and don't happen instantaneously. Some best case outcomes are quick, and some are not. We live in a world where circumstances and events need to "line up" for our dreams to be realized. We also learn some of our greatest lessons during the gestation of dreams.

Always trust God. His timing is perfect. Your best case scenario is yours for the taking. Be grateful for it in advance!